Expectations v Disappointment

expectation

ɛkspɛkˈteɪʃ(ə)n/

noun

1. 1.

   a strong belief that something will happen or be the case.

   "reality had not lived up to expectations"

disappointment

dɪsəˈpɔɪntm(ə)nt/

noun

1. sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfilment of one's hopes or expectations.

   "to her disappointment

Expectation - a strong belief that something will happen. Belief – there is lie right in the middle of this word. But we still hope and believe the people whom we expect from would never disappoint us. Why am I writing about expectations and disappointments, it’s because I just had a discussion about this with a very good friend of mine.

To begin with, when you meet a person for the first time, he is just another guy/girl in your life. You never know they are going to be special (maybe a friend or a partner) to you. But gradually you develop a bond. You crack silly jokes with them; you have an un-explainable connection. Unknowingly you let this person slowly enter your life. You get used to this person. You feel a sense of comfort when they are around you. The bond grows stronger before you realise. You start doing all the things together like eating, hanging out, watching a movie, pulling other peoples legs. You wait for the day to end, just to tell them about yours and to hear about theirs.

After a few days, you are able to gauge their mood from a single text. You can actually tell when they are actually smiling apart from when they are pretending to smile. You feel the urge to make them feel alright. You crack silly jokes, pass stupid comments just to make this person smile genuinely. When they do, it gives you a sense of satisfaction which is hard to explain. Then the late night text and calls start happening.  You act like their agony aunt, pacify them; calm them down, because you feel protective about this person.

By this time you are ready to do anything for this person, you unknowingly you start expecting little things from them. This is a basic human trait, no matter how hard you try you cannot not expect.

The most logical explanation to this is, when you give them beyond what you can, people start taking you for granted. They expect you to understand them every single time and they know you can’t be angry for long with them. They know they can calm you down and you won’t be mad at them. This happens once, happens again and keeps happening again and again. There comes a point when this all builds up inside you and you are about to crash, as your belief does not materialise. You just can’t let it go like always.

Later on starts the process of self- introspection and self-pity. You start getting pissed when they don’t even bother to understand you. They take it casually as they know they can win you over and you forgive them every single time. You feel stupid. You feel the urge to scream at them but can’t do that since you just can’t hurt this person no matter what. You are supposed to be the one protecting that person how the hell are you supposed to make them feel bad and guilty?

This is happening as you let your heart expect knowingly or unknowingly. But then you feel, ‘Why is it wrong? I mean when I am ready to do so much can he/she just not bloody meet me? Why can they not try to understand my insecurities, my problems, my happiness, and my needs for once? Just once!’

You try looking for patterns, then you realise this has been happening all the time. Distancing yourself from this person is the best for you. Rather you stop expecting. You realise it is hard, you feel betrayed, pathetic. You fight with them; you keep checking your phone for their calls and messages. For once you expect them to talk to you, make you understand the way you do. But ah!! Disappointment looks you in your face again

This expectation disappointment chain is never ending. The best way to not be disappointed is not expect. After sometime you are healed. You call it truce and make peace with your heart. You realise the only way to not be hurt is to not expect from anyone. This is how life works. You accept the fact, that everyone is going to hurt you someday or the other. You can control it. If you wish to crib about it or let this experience make you be a better person. After a series of sadness, disappointments and crazy roller coasters you become strong, invincible and happy. You tie your happiness to yourself. You don’t let anyone control you or your emotions. You slowly become indifferent to the way a person behaves with you. You can be nice to them, without expecting anything from them in return. Few years down the line you realise this experience made you a better person. Now you are happier, wise and experienced. Now, you can spread love and happiness without expecting.

As Anne Frank rightly said ‘Where there is hope there is life.’